Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
