so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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