I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
