I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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