his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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