Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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