there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
