in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
handjob tips. give me some.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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