I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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