some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
