well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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