Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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