I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
