She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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