wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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