Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
