boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
