He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize