It's just like the Real World with babies
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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