You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
