Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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