You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
