Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
