why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
