he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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