I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
