Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
