Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
