Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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