goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
