I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
