Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
