and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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