sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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