I wish I could punch you in the face.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
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I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
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