I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
