Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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