yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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