I wanna bring you to show and tell
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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