I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
