Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
