I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
