This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
