he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
is it fun? or sober?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
