I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
be right there i have to get my cape
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I have post one night stand depression
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