I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
