she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
