the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
