Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
