shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
