Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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