if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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