I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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