I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
