Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
