We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
