either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
