i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
