I think my vagina is haunted
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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