I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he thought i was a dude.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
