How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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