She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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