I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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