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• (313): View more from Michigan

  Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...

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• (631): View more from New York

  So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.

  (510): View more from California

  YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.

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• (310): View more from California

  I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.

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• (925): View more from California

  She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.

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• (903): View more from Texas

  Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  sorry I blacked out our whole relationship

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• (619): View more from California

  So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks

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