OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
