I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Even my vagina gasped.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
